As leaders we are faced with difficult situations often, and quite honestly most of us try to just ignore them. We think to ourselves, “Maybe if we just look the other way it will just go away or fix itself.” That strategy does not work when it comes to dealing with our people. Ignoring the problem usually makes the situation worse.
So why do we usually tend to avoid the situation? Because it is hard and uncomfortable to have those conversations.
A good analogy to ignoring a tough conversation is a grass fire. When something first arises, it is like a little spark hitting the grass. You have the opportunity to easily handle the situation and put the spark out. If you choose to ignore the spark and think it will just go out on its own, you turn your back and …POOF!! The little spark turns into a flame and in the blink of an eye it spreads and engulfs the entire area causing everyone to go into a state of emergency.
Avoiding these conversations hurts the business, you as the leader and most importantly your employees. The employee won’t change their behavior(s), the situation or improve their performance if it is just ignored. This shows them whatever they are doing is alright, acceptable or their leader is just too weak to address it or doesn’t care.
A leader should handle these situations quickly since time is usually of the essence. Don’t react too quickly though without putting some thought into it because you could actually fan the flames causing the situation to escalate. Here are some techniques to better equip you on how to handle those tough conversations.
Before the Conversation
Prepare for the conversation: Think through what you need to say. Remember to stay focused on the behavior and not the person to try and help minimize them getting defensive.
I recommend actually scripting what you are going to say. I mean to actually take the time and either write or type it out because it will help you think through what you want to say. But please don’t have it sitting right in front of you and read from it when you are having the conversation with the employee.
Also, make sure you have specific details around the behavior or performance. I once had a manager who wanted to talk to his employee about being late and when he told the employee he was late all of the time, the employee challenged him on when he had been late. The manager couldn’t respond because he had not brought the specific details with him. This caused control of the conversation to turn the employee and the manager lost credibility.
Brainstorm potential objections or things the employee might say: You won’t be able to think of everything, but it will allow to think through some possible objections, excuses, etc. and allow you to prepare a good response instead of trying to overcome it on the fly.
Create possible solutions: By working through the scripting and potential objections, you can create some potential solutions to correct or change the issue. The key is to not share your solutions with the employee, but rather use them to guide the employee to coming up with a solution on their own.
The Conversation
Set the stage: Set aside time on the calendar and in a private place to eliminate or minimize interruptions and distractions.
Get the employee to focus on creating solutions to correct or change the situation, problem or behavior(s): The employee needs to come up with the action(s) and commitment(s) to correct the issue, and you as the leader do what needs to be done to support them.
If the employee is struggling with creating solutions, do not just give them your solutions. Instead use your solution(s) you have already created to help guide them. Self-discovery will allow them to learn more from the situation and will create more buy-in from them.
Document the conversation: It is good practice to have documentation when having conversations with your employees. The documentation is good for referencing later in review, if another situation arises down the road or if a legal review is ever needed.
After the Conversation
Gain commitment: The employee must agree to the action and accept accountability for the implementation of the solution. There also needs to be agreement on a time to have a follow-up conversation.
Follow up and follow through: This is where I see most the failures. The leader and employee meet and come up with a plan of action and agree to follow up, but they get busy and the follow up never happens. And if the employee knows the follow up won’t happen, then the follow through will not happen either.
The follow up meeting shows the employee you care and expect the employee to deliver on commitments. It also allows for you and the employee to make any additional adjustments as needed or solidify the actions worked.
Next Steps: Identify the next steps during the follow up meeting. The next step could be as simple as closing it out, or it could involve working on new actions and/or solutions.
Tough conversations are, well, tough. But with a little preparation on your part, the process can be easier to handle and the outcome better for you, the employee and ultimately the company.
Be Great…Today!!!
Brandon Brazeel, MBA, SPHR, SHRM-SCP
Chief People Officer
